A Change, Hopefully for the Better

I feel like I've evolved again. Last night, I went out clubbing with my friends at Tiger Tiger, but it just din't quite feel the same anymore. I spend all night at the bar, drinking Jack Daniel Coke, thinking, what has changed?

I know one things hasn't changed. I still love loud music with fat beats; I still love dancing; and I love hanging out with my friends. Was it the fact that I'm getting tired of the rebellious life style of going out, having a wild time? Was it the fact that I'm not really up for mass socialising with the crowd? Was it the fact that I no longer pay any interest at the girls in the club because I have a loving girlfriend? Was it the fact that it dawned upon me the horrible amount of money and time I'm actually wasting? I really don't know. After tonight, I just felt, I don't want to go clubbing anymore. Instead, I just feel like settling down in a place where I feel comfortable and feel best being myself.

My close friend Belinda whom I've known since I was 7, met me at Tiger Tiger with his boyfriend, Kim Tat. Mike, (my best mate in UK) and I have tried to persuade them to come for the past week, and we were very glad they came. They however, halfway through the night, found the club a bit boring. A question popped in my head: "do I actually enjoy this? Or am I just rubbing myself in?" As I observe further, they just forgot about the boredom: these 2 lovebirds just kept each other company all through the night. The answer was simple: "I don't like it more than I like it. Now, I'm hanging in the midst, I have no where or no one to sink into for salvation." I need to reform.

This is how I want my life to be: I want a simple uncomplicated straight-forward student life. I go to university everyday except Tuesdays and the weekends. I work as a Japanese chef in the restaurant during weekends, and a waiter on Wednesdays and Fridays. I go for Thai kickboxing every Tuesday and Friday, occasionally once or twice a week to the gym for a few hours, and the "once in a blue moon" trip to the swimming pool. I go for salsa dancing lessons either on Tuesdays or Thursdays depending on when my friends are going. I go to church on Sundays.

I want to come home to my room: chat and spend some time with Valentina, see how she is doing, tell her how much I love her; prepare and cook hot meals for my sister using the skills I've learned so far, eating fattening deserts such as peaches and cream with her while watching TV; spend some time with myself and play computer games, watch DVDs, Japanese anime, read magazines, revise and listen to my collection of music.

I want to go out: go have cheap dim sup at Tai Pan with my close mates for lunch; have dinner at Nandos and catch an early movie; revise together in the library while its still empty until examination period hits everyone and it gets stuffed.

I still don't know what has caused me to change. A sudden realisation? A sign from God? Or have I finally figured out that, maybe I have been living behind a mask I have worn on my face with my own bare hands?