A Lame Guide on How to Treat A Girl

Right, I'm on criticism mode today. This information I obtained is courtesey of those simple-minded people in Friendster whom post random posts like these, which usually end with something like, "if you don't post this to another 10 people you will get bad luck in relationships for a month" etc... Here's an example. Somebody posted something about how to treat a girl:

1) Hugs from behind.
2) Grab her hand when you walk next to each other.
3) When standing, wrap your arms around her.
4) Cuddle with her.
5) DONT FORCE HER TO DO ANYTHING.
6) Write little notes.
7) Compliment her honestly.
8) When you hug her, hold her in your arms as long as possible.
9) Be super sweet to her.
10) Pick her over ur friends. No matter what. Even if your friends call u a pussy.
11) Comfort her when she cries.
12) Love her with all your heart.
13) Pick her up and flirt with her.
14) Be a gentleman and hold the door for her.

My criticism starts here:

1) Some girls don't like touchy guys, especially in public. Unless right time, abandon idea.
2) Refer to criticism 1. I would use the word "hold" rather than "grab".
3) Refer to criticism 1.
4) Refer to criticism 1. OMG, which cheesy freak worse than me wrote this?
5) DUH! Go back to dating school dude!
6) OMG, whomever wrote this actually went to a dating school? Scrap the notes, get a dating doctor!
7) Choose wisely. Try answering this guys: girl asks, "how do I look in this dress?" If she doesn't look good and you tell truth, be prepared for hell to be unleash upon you - God have mercy on your soul; if she doesn't look good and you tell a lie, other people are going to look at her weirdly, and when she finds out, whose gonna get the blame? Try answering strategically, such as, "I think you look better in that dress." BEWARE: some girls think too much compliment makes them feel that you don't mean it anymore!
8) If you love her, of course you won't want to let go. TIP: keep your eyes closed.
9) (Sarcastic) "no, you should be nasty." I think we should drop the word "super", I smell cheese.
10) If you ever pick your friends over your girlfriend, then I'm sorry to say this but: you're not fit to be in a relationship yet. Spend your time wisely.
11) (Sarcastic) "no, you should leave her alone!" OMG, what happen to common sense?
12) OMG OMG OMG... I give up liao... DUH! x 1,000,000
13) What, drive her to Mid Valley and say "you're so beautiful?" Please, flirt in a charming cool manner. KEY TECHNIQUE: humour guys, its the key to her heart!
14) If holding the door defines being a gentleman... Boy, you've got much to learn.

If handling and managing a relationship is based on 14 points, why are there still broken hearts and tears everywhere? Conclusion: In my opinion, it takes 2 to tango. It's never what a guy should do or what a girl should do. Sometimes, even with all the right moves, it takes the right moment and the right feel with the right people. If there is one thing I've learned all these years: there's no set rules in relationships, you just have to work it out as they come along - and that's where experience comes in.

Though we like making theories and rules don't we? Right Li Ann? =P