My Valentine's Day

Anybody interested in the history of Valentines Day? I know of one such legend.

Valentine was a priest in Roman 3rd century, serving under Emperor Claudius II. Claudius II believed it was better for his soldiers to be single rather than married or passionately/romantically involved as they deviate from their military duties. So, he outlawed marriage for young men. Priest Valentine however, continued to perform weddings as he believed in true love, and for that, he was arrested and sentenced to death. Allegedly, when he was in jail, he fell in love with the jailer's daughter. Everyday, she would come and visit him in his cell. When the day of execution finally came, Valentine wrote a letter to her: at the bottom he signed "from your Valentine". Hence, his passion and courage for love gained him his sainthood and hence it became a lifelong tradition.

Now, for my Valentine's Day. I woke up quite late at 11am. I brushed my teeth and gave my growing moustache and beard a shave. Took my time in the shower and groomed myself accordingly. Grabbing my back, I set off for my lecture... An hour early. I head to the refectory for a cup of latte. I sat around in the crowded lunchtime canteen. Stuffed my headphones in my ears and read a book while sipping hot latte. Attended lectures from 2pm - 5pm then wnet straight to work. Changed and zoomed straight to the kitchen. After a hectic night, kitchen closed at 12 midnight. Sat down, had staff dinner with everyone. When it was 1.30am, locked up and did my 15 minute walk home.

It wasn't until I was walkng home at 1.30am that I realised: Valentine's Day had passed me by like a summer breeze. I din't mention anything about Valentine's Day to anyone; nor did anyone ask me anything about my plans for Valentines Day - It just passed me by... Just like that.

Nope... I felt no remorse or regrets. I was just surprised how its over just like that. I ask myself: have I changed? I used to be Mr. Sentimental. I use to feel the need to cuddle and hug someone; I used to desire to share this special night with someone; I used to dream of drowning in the feelings of my loved ones. Today: I felt nothing.

Speaking of which, I do realise changes in my daily behaviour. Few weeks ago a girl once showed her interest in me. It was obvious what she was up to. However, she din't make too much of a move. People around me told me she was waiting for the dominant malem to just knock on her door. 2 years ago, I would have made an effort to make things happen. Now: I even got annoyed and lost my temper, I just saidto my myself, "fuck it". I have lost my willingness to commit unless I feel a certain degree of commitment and effort from the opposite sex. I no longer feel the willingness in me to give; I feel its time to receive. 1 + 1 = 2; I strive for equality - no longer enjoy the joy of simply giving.

It has been raining all day today, on Valentine's Day. Perhaps God understands this part of me. I reached home all soaked and wet. Finish typing my blog now I'm going to bed... Not that I will fall asleep anytime soon anyway.