Thoughts on a Sleepless Night

It's 5am in the morning now and I'm tossing and turning in bed. My body seems tired, but my mind just can't seem to switch off. Perhaps its the recent illness I had which I still feel aching on my chest. Perhaps because I'm starting to miss home and looking forward to June when I go home for summer. Perhaps its been the recent workload I'm getting for missing 2 weeks of lectures. I don't know.

My mind drifted off once again, into the world of the unknown - that usually means the past or the future.

A few things came across my mind and though while I'm typing this now, I feel hessitant and reluctant to share it, but I suppose sharing is better than locking it up all inside. Anyway, here goes.

1) In 2 years time, I will be graduating. I've pictured myself starting my own business. I've a feeling its something very very random. Don't be surprise if I end up opening a Japanese restaurant or a sandwich bar.

2) I touched my aching chest and thought about my illness. I wondered, if pain can linger around for weeks, does that mean it might be something serious? Don't be surprise one day in the near future if I announce I will be dying of lung cancer and only have a few months to live.

3) I thought about my love life. I've had 3 ex-girlfriends in total starting when I was 18. One of them was childish and naive, one of them thought she knew it all and knew whats best, and another one was just a lil' too confused about everything. Nevertheless, I loved them each dearly... But it makes me wonder how my next girlfriend's going to be. Perhaps a tiny bit crazy and mental? I don't even want to think about it. Brings back nightmares and unwanted emotions.

4) I thought about my younger days. It seemed that if I had decided a few decision differently, I wouldn't have ended up here today typing this. Let me give you a run through on how I might have turned out to be: A 21 year old boy whom finished up to his Form 5 in Methodist College, then followed his sister's footsteps and enrolled for A levels in Taylors College. My mother would not allow me to go out wit my friends to Megamall because its dangerous and the overprotected me would still be ever so simple and innocent. I probably find a nerdy girlfriend, would probably still be with her now. Later go overseas to Australia (it seems everybody goes there) and choose the same university as my girlfriend. I would probably take civil engineering or computer programming as a degree and struggle with it and end up being friends with a childish group of Malaysian friends whom all they talk about is computer games and buying new gatgets. I would end up getting fat and would return back to Malaysian ever so often since its so near. I would be sitting here typing this well shielded in absolute bliss from the harsh world outside. It would have been interesting to see that part of me - though I'm pretty sure I've chosen a better route.

Time to try my luck at sleeping again. It seems the screwed up journey is not reaching its destination anytime soon. Stay tuned.