!@#$%^&*()(*&^%$#@!@#$%^&*()(*&^%$#@!

I'm EXTREMELY pissed off right now.

I just hate it. I hate it when other people gets to blow their temper sky high when they are unhappy, but me? All I do is to shove it deeper and deeper and deeper down my throat.

It's like the whole world is stressed but me. I've got my own share of unhappiness and stress even if it means externally and stay jolly and smile. Changes are difficult for everybody. Everybody is undergoing changes and I've got to admit: I've got it slightly easier. That does not mean I'm not stressed whatsover! I'm moving to a totally new environment with NOT A SINGLE close friend or familiar face; totally new lifestyle and a s*** load of new responsibilities. I'm also insecure and fearful. At least I don't go spitting around at every passerby's face.

Being the oldest son and the biggest investment of the family, I'd be an I**** to not feel the amount of pressure building gradually over the years. Imagine being allocated responsibilities that I myself am not sure how to handle without any room for mistake. It's the fact that I'm useless at management that makes me even more wary about my stupid self. I don't need another slap on my face to remind me that I'm inferior.

I know I'm incapable, I know I'm s*** at everything I do. If I don't live up to certain high expectations then I apologise sincerely. At least I'm trying hard. If trying hard is not encouraging and promising enough then f*** it... I'll just get back to being ignorant.

To think that I was trying to be the benevolent middle person and comfort everyone and make things right... I only get pushed around like a peice of trash.

Even a silly person wouldn't like to be toyed around with. As for a stupid person like me: I certainly REFUSE to be the public gym punching bag.

Family Photograph

[Everything seems so peaceful & everyone seems so happy... Ironically this could well be our last complete family photograph all together...]

Kobe Beef

Had the best Japanese food ever. Full stop.

Just can't seem to forget the feeling of Kobe beef simply melting (literally melting) in my mouth... It was totally out of this world; absolutely heavenly. The juiciness of the beef just exploded with full-on flavours. For once, I actually closed my eyes to savour it.

I was not expecting that sort of feeling at all. After chewing it a few times... I simply blurted out loudly, "SHIT..." With my eyes wide opened. This was followed by a gleeful laughter from my father; awkward stare from my brother and unwated attention around the small little restaurant.

The price? Nearly hit the RM1000! On the journey home, I was thinking to myself, "Chung Fui - that's 200 bowls worth of curry laksa... All swollowed down in a matter of 1 hour..."

This place has really set the standard REAL high. It has opened my eyes to a whole new level of expectations.

Spooky Day @ Alton Towers

[This is a story about two boys... Who foolishly wandered and got lost in the scary woods... It's getting dark... *wolf howling sound*]

[The 2 boys sensed something following them... All they could do... Was run...]

[Only to stop occasionally to molest some helpless ghostly lady...]

[As they made their way through... knocking over drinks from ghastly waiters...]

[And pushing over scary lady bakers...]

[At last they found a damaged stagecoach... Driving wildly, they were even very close to throwing themselves off their ride...]

[But nevertheless, they were happy to have found the exit, and lived happily ever after... The end...]

Journey Home

It was an emotional day for me. Perhaps that is what triggered me and got me thinking all the way home.

The journey to the airport was a difficult one. As the taxi drove by the familiar sights and sounds of Manchester, it dawned upon me that: this could well be the last time I visit Manchester anytime soon, as I'll be relocating to London with my sister in the coming year.

The phone calls were relatively difficult too. I just can't help feeling like there's a chestnut-sized thingy at my throat; my heart sunk to the level of my belly button. Just hate the moments where we say "bye" on the mobile like we're gonna see each other tomorrow; but technically might not see each other ever again.

As I checked in and settled down at Manchester Airport, I started to prepare myself for home. It's simply amazing the things you see when you're alone and imagine that the whole world can't see you.

For example: Transit at Schiphol Airport, Amsterdam: I sat beside a Hong Kong family(presumably as they were speaking Cantonese) of 7 having McDonalds. It was the perfect picture of a happy family - mother and baby boy smiling whilst eating French friends by the strand and mother wiping oil off him mouth; brother and sister laughing and fighting over who gets more chicken McNuggets; grandfather and grandmother sharing a silent moment and a McChicken burger; father arriving with the last tray full of large Coca-Colas'. Picture perfect.

Another example: On the flight from Amsterdam to Kuala Lumpur, I sat beside an Indonesian mother and her daughter. The mother was teaching her daughter Kemahiran Hidup and as they discussed they shared moments of giggling.

I just got me thinking, that's all. When you see how peaceful and harmonious other families are - it just tend to outline the problems in my own family like... with caps lock on, in bold, size 72.