I'm Coming Home

It's funny, that when the mind is preoccupied - you tend to think less mou liew stuff. They often said, "an empty mind is the devil's workshop". It's when you end up a lil' bit more free than usual, you suddenly phase away and start to ponder random stuff. Here's a few things that popped into my mind when my mind relaxed after finally completing my 6000 words essay.

1) I've been fallin' ill very easily these days. First it was that flu + cold + sorethroat combo from hell, then it was the annoying constant pain in my chest/lungs... Now, its the headache and more than usual occurance of nose bleed. Hmmm... Maybe I've got leukemia? I don't have much long more to go people.

2) My 2 only exams. One on 26th May; one of 30th May. Both of them 2 hour essay paper. This is by far the most simple yet for the first time, the exams I have not a clue on what to revise on. I'm screwed.

3) My trip to Malaga, Spain on 9th June - 13th June. Can't wait to spend those sunny days in the Costa del Sol with my closest friends.

But the thing that really caught me good... I'm coming home soon. It's finally summer, after one whole shitty year, I made it. My plane ticket is booked for 15th June... After a tedious 13 hours flight I land in the evening of 16th June. Summer blues... What's summer going to bring me THIS time?

I just realised something. The place which I hold much of my memories and emotions... Is surprisingly... KLIA. 6 years of "welcome home" and "goodbye"... So much memories, so much emotions. It's so intense, my family don't even bother sending me to KLIA anymore - they just ask me to take the KLIA Ekspress instead... The intensity is just too much to bear. My stone cold heart would normally block out these feelings like what I did for the past 6 years, but no one's perfect.

This summer, it's going to be different. The last time I said goodbye, I said it in the airport, even if it meant waiting for an hour to say it. It was hardest goodbye I ever had to say... Lil' did I know it was the last goodbye I needed to say. I din't even get a chance to hear "welcome home".

I fear... I fear the airport. I fear unable to hear "welcome home". Somehow, I din't want "goodbye" to the the last words.

Yet, I would have nothing to say... At all.

I left with a heavy heart, I shall come home with an even heavier heart; when I left the airport it was empty, when I come home it shall be very very very empty.

As Promised... France Ski Trip Photographs

My sister and I with some other friends went skiing in a lil' town called Pao in France, near the Spanish borders. It was truly an amazing trip. hope you guys and gals out there like my photos!

[At the top... Where its so hot and sunny I had to take off my winter jacket and wear my sunshades.]

[My sister and I at the bottom of the slopes, and just about to have lunch. She is all wrapped up, unlike me - because in the process of learning, it is less painful with all those layer of buffering! =P]

[When its time to return the equipment we borrowed. Taken halfway down from the ski resort. Ain't it a beautiful sight? Like taken from "The Sound of Music" or something like that.]

[When we were taking a relaxing stroll through the French woods, my sister thought it was funny if I tried wearing her puffy jacket. It fitted... Barely. =P]

[After a long day of skiing, its compulsory to unwind in a cheap students' bar which serves cheap French beer. Apparently, French wine is too strong for weak English bellies... No wonder they hated each other.]

[The rest of the ski friends: 2 Aussies and a French. Is it just me, or does my French friend look like Sven Goran Eriksson? =P]

Lil' Things in Life

Not that I've realised this recently, but: I've always been a big supporter of the lil' things in life. For example, I got so excited when I bought a new 4 in 1 blender that day, and was busy slicing and dicing random edible stuff at 4am in the morning.

[My new Braun 4 in 1 blender - complete with a hand motor, masher, wisk, ice crusher and 2 different size blending container]

I've always knew - it's the lil' things in life that really matter. Big chunks of happy things are great, but when they go... They really do all disappear all in one go. Personally, I don't think I deserve a few of those big magical disappearing tricks, but this world ain't too fair anyway. Plus things don't always go as I want them to be. I NEVER blame anything or anyone for these - I just think it's God's will... Or perhaps an inevitable truth.

Hence I really do enjoy every bit of my life, though I might not show it. When I drink a cup of coffee - I make sure it's a piping hot caffe latte with extra shot from ground Brazillian or Costa Rican coffee beans blended to at least 80% of its flavour, served with steamed low fat soya milk with covers no more than 10% of the top of my cup. When I eat a piece of steak - I make sure it's Tesco's finest quality beef fillet grilled to perfection, served with peppercorn cream sauce together with grilled rosemary and buttered potato chunks with a healthy portion of mixed garden salad of cherry tomatoes and lettuce served with a healthy topping of french dressing... Oh, and a glass of apple juice too. Someone remind me later to post up my recipe for a nice steak. =P

Of course, life is not all just about food. For the past week, I have been spending a few late nights with my sister doing laundry and playing Need For Speed Most Wanted (it's a racing car game for those gaming illiterate people) on the Ps2. I really cherrish those lil' moments. That's how we build up our memories.

I think to a certain degree, I have become timid. I'm not afraid of giving big, but I'm afraid of losing big. I no longer desire to take big leaps in life or be daring. But I guess that's the price to pay for turning into a coward. Until the day I decide to pick up my courage once again, I would just stay here and be happy with the lil' things in life: giving small, receiving small.

光良 - 天堂

I was awaken by the faint sound of piano playing. It's rather familiar. It rings a bell. The tune begins. The gentle colour changes followed by the soothing ambient movements of the water visualization on my laptop casts a faint shadow over my weary body in bed. My tired eyes slowly split apart, greeting that familiar warm feeling. Where... Where have I felt this before? It felt like... Like... Like a cup of hot chocolate on a cold winter's day. No... It was more. I closed my eyes once again, letting the tune sink and absorb into my mind. I searched and I searched: high and low; deeper and deeper.

Then, the tune hits the chorus. My eyes opened once again - this time, wide open. They were cold and still, as I was still trying to comprehend the sudden rush of memories just flushing back into my mind. I realised: I remember this familiar tune, I remember it clearly... Too clearly. It was the chorus. I heard it enough times. I sang it enought times. Most significantly, I heard it sang to me enough times.

Lying still there like a corpse staring at the colourful dancing lights, my mind wandered off. It came back to me. It all came back to me. The feelings: the pain, the agony, the regret, the frustration the sadness - they all came rushing back like a hurricane flooding my mind. The strength that once forced and pushed with all its power and might to the corner of my heart and soul have simply... Burst. I clutched my aching heart tight - for a moment there I thought I struggled to breath. This feeling... It felt as if... As if... I was going to cry. What a bizzare feeling - haven't felt it for years. Then, the tune hits the chorus again. I ran up to my laptop and switched it off before it might cause a migrane. How ironic... No... How tragic, that once a tune loved so dearly would one day turn back and haunt me.

Still breathing deeply, I headed towards the basin and washed my face. As the cool water splashed upon my emotionless face, I received a moment of peace and harmony. Thank God. I looked up and saw my reflection on the mirror. I stared at it motionless for quite a while. I began to wonder: the water dripping down my eyebrows, eyelashes, tip of my nose and mouth - were they just water? Or were they my silent tears?

No... They were not. I gave up on crying a long time ago, I don't cry anymore. Perhaps the water droplets represent my sorrow, but they will never be my tears. I stood there quietly listening to the water droplets dripping down, one by one, into the puddle of water in the basin. The echo of the drops seemed magnified when one's concentrating. However, it was barely enough to cover up the echo of that tune in my mind.

I went back to bed. Using what's left of my courage and strength, I pushed my emotions into a safebox at the darkest corner of my heart; locked it up and swallowed the key. Taking a deep breath, I went back to sleep, making a note to myself never again to leave my music running while I'm asleep. Never again.

April's Fool? Fool What?

Just came back from work and I realised... This is the first April's Fool in my life that - I din't fool anyone; and nobody fooled me. How odd.

Still remember the days when I wait for this day to come: I would think about all the nasty jokes I could play on my friends and family, and would plan ahead. The night before I would be so excited I won't be able to sleep.

Most memorable April's Fool joke: my sister and I came home from primary school (having fooled and being fooled many times in the bus), ran up and greet our mum at the door with a "yerrr mummy, there's a cockroach near your leg!", followed by her hysterical cry while jumping around. Those were the days.

Guess I'm just too old to joke around and be joked about anymore. Errr... No, that din't sound right. Correction... Guess I joke too much these days everyday is April's Fool for me anyway. Guess I'm not missing much today then. =P