I'm Really Tired
People who don't know me probably think this as mindless ramble; people who know me would know I've said this like a million times. Warning: deep stuff ahead.
I'm getting tired these days. I've been a shepherd guiding lost souls again and again. I blindly plunge my hands into the cavern of darkness and unknown to try my best to guide them to light. When I see those souls smile back at me, I tell myself, "It's all worth it..." It is, don't get me wrong. But then shepherds have souls too. Sometimes, shepherds get lost and the last thing they want: is to lead those souls to even more misery.
Sometimes, I envy the lost souls in a way. Someone actually puts on all the effort, love and care to try and deliver their pain into non-existence by providing them happiness. I don't get that. I keep giving and giving. I tell myself, "it's alright if they don't appreciate me, its all worth it..." Silly me, but I still think it is, don't get me wrong. If I crumble, no good Samaritan is going to walk past me and offer me their loving tender hands.
I wish I could just collapse, just like other lost souls and some shepherd would just whole heartedly pick me up, and provide me what I've been providing for the past decade in return.
My friends all say, "you deserve much better... you really do, you should stop thinking about others for a while and put yourself at the front..." I think I'll be stubborn and continue to guide lost souls... Even if its just to see their smile. In other words, metaphorically: I like giving Christmas cards away, and I give many away, but never have I received any - and I deserve a bloody big one too. However, I'm happy to continue giving away Christmas cards because it makes me and others feel happy. This is just one of those times, when I feel I'm running low on Christmas cards, but instead of changing things - I'm just gonna pop into the shop to get more Christmas cards. OK, it's getting to deep now.
I'm kind of like a half full/empty glass of water. I shouldn't be complaining because I'm not empty, but I yearn for the day where someone would fill me up full.
[First it was tong yuen, now I feel like this!]
17 Comments:
Hmmm, is this related to an event in particular or is it just an overall feeling...
tis true tho, sometimes you have to put yourself first just coz ure never gna be satisfied until you do....
Hey there my friend! Long time since I've had a good chat with you.
But anyway, here's to put things into perspective, my typical way.
Everyone has a gift. That is what makes each and everyone of us unique. But our purpose in life is not to hoard our gift to ourselves, or to hide it from view, or to deny that it exists. For to do so would only mean to deny oneself of his or her true nature, identity, and what makes him or her so unique in this world.
Also, the concept of time is one that has to be treated to great thought. Questions such as: How long is too long? When is it one time too many? have to be answered in the context of our days on this earth, for is it really that long that we have been living and doing what we have been doing?
I think not.
That said, showing one's true nature to the world requires little if no effort. Maintaining a mask and a shroud of deception is the one that consumes the most energy. So when you say "I'm really tired", are you really?
Again, I think not.
Last but not least, the best gifts in life are frequently given without the receiver's knowledge, and hence easily overlooked, and taken for granted.
Your car dealership sends you cards during the New Year.
Your lost souls give you their gratitude.
*this is where the MasterCard mantra comes in...*
Have you taken stock?
Alas, aren't we all guilty of that many more times that we care to admit?
Take a rest and recharge your batteries. We all have great things in life to look forward to! And I have loads of ideas to discuss, heh heh heh...
Ah yes, one more important thing I forgot to add.
Having the right perspective in life will result in more Christmas cards in your cupboard than Hallmark has ever produced.
Now, who needs Memory Lane...?
Ok, enough rubbish from me. Catch up with you soon!
christina: nah... juz a series of events...
yun han: omg... n i tot i was conplicated n deep... =P
Heh heh heh...
You can't beat me at the philosophical game...
But at least you're not screwed up and shallow, right?
wow... this stuff is heavy and that's a lot of philosophy (excuse my shallowness).
bro, i'm sure u don't want/need advice. U're frustrated coz u want something and it's not happening as 'quick' as u want it to. Here's another thought to keep you thinking:
Different challenges arise at appropriate moments in our lives. I believe when the time is right, when u r truly ready, things will fall in place.
ie. there's a reason why minimum driving age is 18. There's a reason why u're not allowed to drink (legally) till u're 16/18/21 (depending on where u r). There's a reason why the typical age to enter university is 18-21.
My point being, there's no way u're getting behind wheels before 18 and there's no point in trying when u're 15. U'll grow into it and things just fall into their respective places. There's no point in rushing into them because you simply cannot force things to happen.
I hardly think any of us are good samaritans here.. U're too flattering on urself. U're a big boy, if the glass is half empty, fill it up urself with some wholesome soul food/ activities.
ps: I'm not mocking/making fun of u. It just kills me to see my lil bro not happy =( cheer up laaa
yun han: hahaha... maybe i should change da title of my blog... =)
sister: nah, its juz a momentary thing i guess... i'll feel better soon. im not goin 2 merajuk lar.
gimme your add. i send you a BIG christmas card this year! =D
ning: thanks alot... its very sweet of you. but like i said, its only metaphorically. its not about a christmas card... =P
If u were to crumble, I would be the good Samaritan to lend you not only my hand, but my shoulders as well.. = > all the best, dr love!
-Junie-
junie: hahaha... thanks. btw, dr. love has wrong a cheesy song, im sure u'll like my lyrics as u like my poems. =P
hui lynn: hahaha... no hassle at all. u can repay me by buying me dinner. =P
wendy: accepts pat. errrm, ur not sending me a christmas card r u? =P
everyone feels like that at some point in their lives, that's what makes it interesting right?! If everything was a straight road then we'd never appreciate true happiness because we've never experienced true sadness...
christina: yeah... i juz wish happiness is around da corner, dats all.
stop wishing for ladybugs...lol...coz they'll find you in the end, watch "under the tuscan sun" you'll appreciate it...spez now...
christina: watched dat movie liao ler. too bad life doesnt happen like da movies. =(
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