雨中的雨伞

我是个从来都不用雨伞的人。 可能是应为本身觉得很不macho吧； 或也许我也喜欢那种“细雨掉在我额头上”的感觉。 昨晚大雨中， 我很久以来第一次 - 用了雨伞。

回家的路途不近。 虽然是一点钟了， 但也不是说没有巴士。 我。。。 就是想走走路， 吹吹夜风。 虽然雨滴涌着下来， 但我昨晚心情特别愉快， 一面走， 还会一面笑。 没想到 - 期待想见她： 见了以后， 是那么的满足的。 更没想到的是 - 见了她以后， 心里还会更加想念那她。糟了。。。 我怎么会在雨中， 脸红了起来呢？

当时， 我突然听到有人在欢呼我。 那。。。 不是她的flatmate吗？ 怎么跑来这里啦？ 那位flatmate笑着， 把手中的雨伞交了给我 - 说是“她”吩咐， 拿给我的。

我第一个反应： 她病了 - 幸亏不是她亲自下来， 不然又会感冒了。 我结下来的反应： 如果真的是她亲自下来， 我怎么办？ 应该说什么？ 我恐怕我会忍不住地抱紧她。 是的， 我的心， 就是那么软， 那么容易被溶化的。

看着手里的雨伞， 我笑了笑， 把它打开， 然后继续我的路程。 这感觉特别的美好。 今晚虽然风吹雨打 - 可是我心里是暖暖的。

Umbrella in the Rain

I'm a person who never uses an umbrella. Maybe because I think its not macho to do so; or maybe I just like that "rain on my forehead" kind of feeling. Last night was raining heavily - and for the first time since years ago, I used an umbrella.

The journey home was quite far. Although its 1 o'clock, there are still buses. However, I just felt like taking a long walk, enjoying the night breeze. Although the rain rushes down from the sky, but last night I felt extremely joyful - I was smiling more and more with every step I take. I never thought that - I was really looking forward to see her: after visiting her, I feel so satisfied. Even more unexpected - after meeting her, I heart yearns to see her even more. Gosh... Why did my face suddenly went red in the middle of the rain?

Suddenly, I heard someone calling for me. Isn't that her flatmate? Why did she run all the way out here? Her flatmate smiled and handed over an umbrella for me - saying it was "her" intention to do so.

My first reaction was: She is ill - thank God she din't come down all by herself, or else she'll catch another fever. My next reaction was: if she really did come all the way down, what should I do? What should I say? I'm afraid I wouldn't have been able to hold back my emotions and hug her tightly. Yes, my heart is THAT soft, THAT easily melted.

Looking at the umbrella in my hands, I smiled, opened it, then I continued my journey. This feeling is most wonderful. Although the rain is pouring and the wind is howling tonight - my heart remains warm inside.

Camel Currency

This is extremely random but its something I've just remembered. Did you know, camels could be used in Middle Eastern countries for bartering?

My friend Rachel went to Egypt for holiday with her family. They came upon a very wealthy Egyptian merchant. This was the conversation the merchant had with her father:

Merchant: *Looked at Rachel* "your daughter is very beautiful... How many camels?"

Rachel's Father: *A bit dumbfounded* "I'm sorry?"

Merchant: "How many camels for your daughter?"

Rachel's Father: *Comes to understanding* [laughing] "she is not for sale."

Merchart: "I give 50 camels."

Rachel's Father: "No, no sale."

Merchant: "I give 100 camels... For her, I give 200 camels."

Rachel's Father: "What am I supposed to do with 200 camels."

Merchant: "OK, 400 camels... Very strong..."

Rachel's Father: "........."

At the end, the father nearly settled the deal for 650 camels. Thank God, Rachel's mum was there to stop him. Rachel's father was planning to open a large camel tracking business in the Sahara Desert. Apparently, if they're willing to pay more than 1000 camels for your daughter - she would qualify to be the next Miss Egypt. Interesting.

Brick Wall

I know it isn't something to be proud of to admit this but...

I haven't cried for a long time, but I did today. I really did let the floodgates open today. I'm tearing silently as I'm typing this right now. Reason? I got slapped by my mum. It hurts... Not my face, but my heart - especially when the slap comes from your own mother.

I must admit, my relationship with my mother has broken down many years ago. I no longer know what she thinks and feels - and eventually, I don't even care anymore. I no longer want to tell her things.

However, I did try to rebuild the bridge between us, trying to bring the gap closer - knowing I have to take the first step since my mum would NEVER change. Today, she has just blown all my efforts to bits. With every slap sinking into my face, I can't help to think I feel being bullied, so stupid for me to even try to patch things back together.

Funny thing is - she asks me "what has come in between us?"

As a son, I have tried my best to change according to your ways of teaching - just as you wanted me to. Ironically, you NEVER ever gave me a chance to allow changes. How hypocritical is that?

She cries and claims how upset she is with me. I'm afraid... Mum, your not the only one in this world which has emotions. I can be hurt just as easily as anyone else. You can tell me I'm useless and all, but just because you're my mother doesn't give you the right to spit on my face and expect me to lick it all up and say it taste good.

I leave with one word of advice to all the mothers' in the world "learn to listen, and not to assume".

Time to rebuild the brick wall 0nce again.

A Simple Short Poem

两人咖啡

我的心里乱糟糟，
还比外面交通更忙碌。
我們两人的感情﹐
淡得像沒奶的黑咖啡。

本來浓厚的感觉，

薄得像碟上一片面包。

你的心思离了我，

还比对面那碗糖更远。

“先生。。。 这位子有人坐吗？”

“没有人啊。。。 请坐吧。。。”

她用微笑安慰我，

劝我别一直望着交通。

她很了解我感受，

叫了老板拿点鲜奶来。

她眼神给我力量，

插了牛油的面包更香。

她伸出温柔的手，

加两匙糖把咖啡完成。

Coffee For Two

Inside my heart lies a big mess,
Busier than then traffic at the streets.
Our romance for each other,
turned as bland as coffee without milk.
Our once strong feelings,
is now as thin as a piece of toast on the plate.
Your thoughts of me,
is even further than the distant sugar bowl.

"Excuse me sir... is this seat taken?"
"No... By all means have a seat..."

She smiled and comforted me,
told me not to keep staring at the busy traffic.
She understood what I was going through,
requested some fresh milk from the manager.
Her staring eyes gave me strength,
bread with butter definately tastes better.
She reached out her gentle hands,
added two spoons of sugar which completed my coffee.

Chungy
(dedicated to all the nice & kind-hearted Samaritans out there.)

An Appreciation

Finally, I'm back blogging in English once again. Hurrah!

Alot has happened in the past month, and I'm glad to say I've finally found my bearings once again. Not really well, but I've managed to pick myself out of the hole (ironically) that I've dug myself - kind of obvious when I've been posting emotional Chinese posts eh? =P

This wouldn't have been possible thanks to a few of my close friends. Every one of them adopted different roles and provided me with different types of comfort and advice that I needed so desperately. So here I am, showing you my appreciation... In public... =P

Firstly, Allysa. I've always thought how ironic it is that although we never met and not know alot about each other, but it is out past that brings us close together. You've given me the most support during these dark times, making me feel that I'm not the only one suffering here; and appreciating my blog posts and chatting with you have really taken my mind off things. This, I will not forget, you have my eternal gratitude.

Vicky, my macah! Although verbally not the best consultant around, but you've made it up more than enough with your physical love (errr... That sounded a bit wrong). Anyways, those sleep overs at my place, long complex cooking sessions and heart to heart talk sessions - they were most essential to my recovery, keeping me from feeling like I'm going to explode. Also, if you're reading this: do forward these words of appreciation to your flatmates Helen, Fion & Su. Having 4 leng luis' accompanying me REALLY does make me feel wanted and cherrished.

DAI B LILLIAN CHEN! Ever so sweet to me. Although only met you once, but for once - instead of me making all the efforts: it was you who came forward to embrace me first (metaphorically, of course). Just when I thought it's always just me that wants to please and care everyone around me; until you showed that I'm not alone. I felt important once again, that I'm not alone anymore. For this, I owe you a dinner next time you pop up to Manchester. You deserve it.

Although only my toudai, but Mei Tien, you've introduced a very optimistic perspective for me. Although things never did turn out the way you predicted (that I'm thinking too much) but instead it turned out the way I've expected instead... Still, it was really comforting. Now you know why I'm you're sifu and you're my toudai? =P Junie & Yuanie - 2 of you play a small part in distracting me by flirting online with me too... Hehehe... I expect no less from the 4 sisters. =P

There are some other very significant people that I've not mentioned above. They are not forgotten, I will show them my gratitude in other different ways. Right, off to bed now for a good night's sleep, for once.

對不起﹐ 我忘了

那天﹐ 我為了一個presentation而搞到臉色很差。 我已經一個星期多沒好睡過了﹐ 最近也沒什麼胃口。 也好﹐ 這樣忙﹐ 也可以當是分散注意力﹐ 把傷心的事情放在一邊。

姐姐看見我臉色那麼差﹐ 問候了我一聲。 她笑着說﹕ “到底是你功課繁忙﹔ 還是有心事呢﹖” 這一句話﹐ 打中了我的心思﹐ 所以我把心裡的煩惱都告訴了她。

聽了過後﹐ 姐姐給了我許多的安慰和鼓勵﹐ 特別是她一句話﹐ 令我想了很久。 她問我﹕ “叢輝﹐ 你為什麼降低了你自己的要求﹔ 大減價“賣”給人家呢﹖”

姐姐說得對。 我並不需要受這些苦﹐ 流無辜的淚水。 既然她人不懂得珍惜這段感情﹐ 不顧我的感受 - 那我也不必浪費我的時間和心機在她人身上。

這句話好像蓋了我一把掌﹐ 蓋醒了我。 為什麼我那麼傻﹖ 我不會再默默地呆再這兒等待電話響﹐ SMS訊息。當我想到這裡﹐ 我頭上已經是一把火了。 不是生你的氣﹐ 是在怪我自己。 讓我道歉吧。。。 “很對不起﹐ 我忘了 - 你不是已經和我分了手嗎﹖”

現在﹐ 真是一目瞭然了。 怎樣都好﹐ 我真的希望你和他幸福快樂。 可是。。。 如果後果是相反的話。。。 你千千萬萬不要回來找我 - 我已經下了決心不吃回頭草。

Sorry, I Forgot

That day, My face complexion looked so terrible because I was all stressed about my presentation. It has already been a week since I had any proper sleep and I din't have much an appetite for a long time. It's alright, I can treat these busy times as a way of freeing my mind, putting any sad thoughts behind me.

My sister saw my horrible complexion and asked me if everything was alright. She then smiled and asked, "are you sure it's just your university workload? Or do you have other things on your mind?" This sentence hit the bulleye, so I opened the doors to my confused mind for her.

After hearing my words, my sister had alot of comforting and encouraging words to provide me with, especially one sentence, which left me pondering for quite a while. She asked me, "Chung Fui, why are you lowering your own standards so much; "selling yourself" at a "discounted price during sale?"

My sister's right. I don't need to suffer this bitter pain, waste so many innocent drops of tears. If that someone doesn't know how to cherrish this relationship that we have, not caring how I feel at all - then I shouldn't bother wasting my time and efforts on that person at all.

This piece of advice seemed to have "slapped me in the face", and woke me up. Why am I so stupid? I won't stay here silently waiting for your phone calls; neither will I wait patiently to receive your SMS messages. When I think about it now, anger really overwhelmes me. I'm not angry at you, but at myself. Let me appologise... " I'm very sorry, I forgot - Haven't you broke up with me already?"

Now, everything is as clear as the skies for me. Even so, I really do hope that the two of you will have a happy and prosperous relationship together. However... If things turn sour instead, never ever come and look for me again - I've sworn to not turn back on my words.